It's funny how difficult it is to move into another stage of living when the previous one was momentous for many reasons. I find myself heartsick for Dublin, for the way of living that is postgraduate studies, for concrete successes, for personal growth from within a context of personal clarity...
I don't know if these feelings have lingered for the past eighteen months or if they are simply rekindled as I approach another trip to Ireland. Perhaps the reality is a mixture of the two scenarios; perhaps I will live for a while yet with the burden of an amazing success that will not be duplicated.
It seems self-indulgent and spoiled to dwell on my past successes when I am still so young. Alas, I can only work with what I've got and who I am! I know that I am imperfect yet I know that I have abilities. I know I love research and learning and communication. I know that I am proud to be an English teacher here in California. I know that I want somethings to be different a year or two from now, but there are a lot of things that are working at the moment.
My doubts are real, tangible limitations; my dreams are more vague. Perhaps I will continue to be heartsick about my fulfilled dreams until I nurture my future dreams into existence.
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