Dublin's weather changes frequently, but I notice the extremity of it more since I've returned. I think there is a real change and not just the shift in my perspective. There will be slashing rain and heavy winds and general high clouds/overcast periods all of which has been a regular occurrence. But there will be a warmth in the air that reminds me it is summer. The humidity can be oppressive at times. And then the sun can come out and I will find myself too warm sitting in the sun and wanting to sit in the shade where, of course, it is colder than I would like. It's difficult to find balance these days.
The changes in how I relate to Dublin and to the people around me is present in my heart and in my mind as well. I don't know how much is that I know I will be leaving soon and how much is processing that some of my friends have already left. I find myself wanting to be alone with my thoughts more often than not only to then find myself struck by the overwhelming desire for someone to comfort me in my ambivalence. I'm realizing it is unfair to pounce on another the way my emotions seem to ambush me and that those (un)fortunate friends cannot really offer the comfort I seek because I can only find that in myself.
So here I am in the midst of fickle weather and fickle emotions: both have patterns if I can find the perspective and peace necessary to reach an understanding. For now, I will try to be patient and to not make any plans that cannot be changed based on the weather or my mood.
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