Irish Chorizo

I am used to the fresh chorizo sausages in California, but over here, it's cured like salami. So it's spicy pork sausage that doesn't have to be cooked, but is easier to cube than it is to crumble.

I made a delicious casserole-ish dinner tonight with chicken and chorizo and beans. I even used a bay leaf for extra flavor. I've been really into cooking lately. I used to bake when I got in this mood, but, in the past couple years, I have done more savory cooking when I want to feel that centered-in-my-home feeling. I feel like I am nurturing my body and soul with the savory cooking.

I even had a little dinner party the other night. It was the first time I really hosted at my flat and it went well. We watched a hilarious Greek undead/zombie-80s rock film and ate Asian food. And we laughed a lot. It was just what I needed.

Candles and relaxation

I've been spending more time in my flat in the past month and it's been really nice. I have more candles and more comfort in my space. I do link the two because lighting candles makes a space feel less sterile, less static. I like the faint smell of burning and the warm glow from the flame. Like lighting a fire in the fireplace or at a beach, there's something invigorating and soothing about it. Perhaps it's that little bit of chaos in the fire that can sustain life or destroy it.

I wish I had a fireplace today. It's a little cooler today, overcast and windy. It would be nice to curl up in front of the fire and just watch the flames dance.

Noah and the Tower Flower

I saw this new play in Ballymun tonight. It was really good! I'm even thinking of going back again, but I don't think I will with this paper to write.

The two actors were really good. It was the first time in a while that I actually felt the electricity of the actors being present with each other. And they even managed to keep focused during the climax of the show when some audience member's mobile went off (playing the Mexican Hat Dance no less). This was after a few ladies left during the show and, of course, walked right past the front of the stage. ugh.

I almost bought the script and may still do so. It was a nice story of two folks who've made some mistakes and are trying to turn things around for themselves. The accents were really strong North Dublin accents. I guess I've heard it enough because I didn't have much trouble following it, but some of my companions had a rough time. I'm curious to see how it was written and how intelligible I would find it in written form.

New Baby!

My friends Ben and Gina's little girl was born last night. This is the first baby from my peers and I am really excited to get back to California and see how everyone is adjusting to this change. I think they will be wonderful parents. They are so full of love as individuals that this little girl is definitely in good hands.

So please send a positive thought to the new parents!

FUBU

I have seen quite a few Irish men wearing FUBU shirts and sweatshirts since I got to Dublin and it always makes me think of a friend in California who was uncomfortable wearing a FUBU shirt he got as a gift because he isn't black and felt it was a black-identified product (For Us By Us). Maybe the marketing for them has changed; maybe folks don't always know (or care) what the logo on the shirt represents. Much as I enjoy seeing gender-bending performances that don't have a direct correlation or relevance to sexual orientation, I do like seeing folks of different races and ethnicities wearing a brand that has been linked with one group.

Of course, these men weren't necessarily making a statement by wearing their FUBU clothes. He may have simply bought what was comfortable, or a color he liked, or it might have been a gift. But it does make the labels less relevant when they don't work as a tool for implicit identification. I can walk around making assumptions about these Irish men who wear FUBU, but I'd probably be incorrect in my assumptions. And I like that.

Giants sweep the Dodgers!

I almost posted yesterday about how we were in a position to sweep 'em, but I didn't want to jinx it. I'll admit, I really don't think that what I do and do not write on my blog affects anyone, particularly baseball players thousands of miles away. And it's not about winning or losing, but how you play the game. I'm glad they won, but mostly, it's nice to read about how the team is pulling together, working together. The better they play, the more meaningful the wins are and the more likely that they can build through the rest of the season. That's really what I want. I want to come home in September to see one of the last games of the season at home in San Francisco with a packed stadium of fans who get to watch their team playing good baseball.

Tolerance and Freedom

I just found out about the documentary Zoo that tells the story of a Seattle man who died while have sexual relations with a horse. I started reading around for reviews just to find out what the tone was, how was this story being rehashed, etc. I found a string of comments on this one site that was rather interesting, but mostly saddening. I know bestiality goes against lots of folks beliefs of what is right and normal and condonable. But to not even attempt to understand another person and her/his actions...that makes me sad.

A few folks mention the violation of the animal which is a tricky situation (how do you gauge an animal's consent and can it be informed consent?), but, again, it's in this dismissive tone. Okay, it's randomites posting on one website, but this is symptomatic of larger tendencies to ignore or to avoid discussion/understanding.

I'm not seeking approval or even agreement. I just see a cycle of pain and hurt coming from this ease with which others are discarded or shifted to the periphery. Bestiality, pedophilia, incest...there are the actions that continue to happen and continue to terrify members of different communities. Yet seemingly 'normal' folks act upon desires towards animals, children, and members of her/his own family. I wonder how healing and well-being will ever be achieved when it's easier to just avoid awkwardness.

Work possibilities

For some reason I decided to do a little job hunting this evening to allay my anxieties about my return to California. I looked at positions with the Federal Government which include working on the Rosie the Riveter museum in Richmond. Too bad they probably want to fill that position before September...

I have a feeling I will do office temp work, although I am considering substitute teaching. Sub-teaching will get me $12-15 per hour depending on where I work which is essentially the same pay for office temp work. I'd like to be making more than $16 per hour, but I don't know if that will be possible in any sustainable situation. I'm considering working on my CV/resume now, but I think that's a bit too anal (preparing for a job-hunt that is five months away) and more of an endeavour than I want to undertake this late in the day. Of course, that is one of those things I have to do when I am motivated. I think I will trust that there will be another day in the next five months when I feel sufficiently motivated and do something else with my evening. Like read another translation of Ghosts.

Blood Wedding

I am listening to my Andrés Segovia CD which I bought when I was working on the UCSC BarnStorm production of Lorca's Blood Wedding. My friend Mike composed the music for the production under a short notice and with an unfortunately un-poetic translation. (I have through that production learned the importance of a good translation!) Wolfgang, Caleb, and I had a great time coming down from rehearsals by playing Uno and drinking my test batches of sangria. McCann can testify to the madness!

I learned so much from that project. We ran in repertory which was a huge strain on the actors, who were all managing a full-time enrollment in courses as well as doing the productions. It was a visually arresting production, but...as I mentioned, the choice in translation was not the best. And I didn't make enough time at the beginning to ensure the actors understood my approach to the text. I also learned, once again, that I need to trust my instincts and set clearer expectations from the beginning so we can all work together successfully. We did eventually do some flamenco which affected some of the actors strongly in how s/he carried her/his body. It was a neat transformation to witness.

It's nice to remember the project. It was madness at the time and I know I could've done it better, but it was a learning process and definitely served that purpose. It will be good to get back to production. The last thing I directed was the RTE Fundraiser performance last year which was quite fun. And I will direct Neil LaBute's This Is How It Goes for them next fall when I return to California. It's nice to have that in the future: finish my dissertation, move, and then get back to work.

And I keep thinking of projects to reunite with some of the amazing folks with whom I have already worked. I have a couple ideas for musical stuff with Mike and quite a few ideas that involve Wolfgang, Leah, McCann, and Melissa...not to mention the stunning actors we'll need. That's one of the great things about theatre: I can keep finding projects that nurture my soul as well as those of others in the field as well as those who are potential audience members. It's a unique and fascinating art-form in that way...such potential for affecting so many.

Bloodstone

I went into my local bead shop the other day when Zoi and I were out. I have been wanting a casual necklace, but hadn't found one I really liked or that was worth the asking price. We stopped in because I want to knit myself a bag with beads, but we decided the beads I liked were too expensive for what they were (40 c. each which adds up quickly when you're looking to by 50-100 beads). I did, however, check out their gemstones. I asked Zoi what she thought and she picked up the Bloodstone, which I had been considering. We looked it up in the gemstone book the store had available and it seemed like just the right choice.

I have been experimenting with Celtic knots on the leather I bought for the necklace. I'm still playing with it, but I will post a picture once I reach a final decision.

In the meantime, I continue to search for a Moonstone piece of jewelry that I like. There is a jewelry shop here in Dublin that has some beautiful pieces, but I don't like any of the settings on me. And I have seen pieces elsewhere, but their stones are not of a good quality/clarity. I think that will be one of those things that will present itself when I least expect it. That's the way love works, right?

Rice Cakes with Chocolate

Since I arrived in Dublin, I have seen chocolate-covered rice cakes in most every grocery store and quick, healthy-food restaurant (i.e. next to the energy bars). I finally purchased some, having rediscovered my passion for rice cakes. I picked up some dark chocolate (yummy!) covered rice cakes and they are tasty! I get the pleasure of crispiness with my chocolate without it being too heavy. And I actually had them as dessert! Talk about eating responsibly, huh?

For those who are unaware, there is a lot of catering to wheat and gluten allergies over here. These are a great snack/treat for folks who can't have wheat or gluten (or yeast or dairy, as log as you get the dark chocolate ones). For those of you who are skeptical, there is a touch of saltiness about the rice cake so there is a sweet, slightly salty, crunchiness about this little treat. It's worth considering.

Mr. Jack and the Dirty Swingers meet The Barstool Boys

That's right...one of the last events of the Rathmines Festival 2007 was a performance by The Barstool Boys followed by Mr. Jack and the Dirty Swingers. Neither group was quite what I expected, but I did have a good time.

There was a women who seemingly helped host the event who was setting up the wine table (which was later shut down by the Gardai because they don't have a liquor license at this church venue) and she was quite drunk at the start of the event. Because she was in some position of authority or responsibility, she kept going to talk with the band. Of course, Mr. Jack and the Dirty Swingers are from France and don't speak much English so this became even more interesting. Let me tell you, some minor level of hilarity did ensue. (The Gardai appearance was really the cherry on top.)

The Barstool Boys were forced by the aforementioned woman to start their set because it was well past 8 pm, but there weren't a great many audience members yet. But they played and it was good. They even did a few songs in French for the special double-bill.

And then the other band...who were billed as "a fabulous world where Burlesque meets Darkness and Mystery melts with Irony. Mixing Swing and Rock'n'Roll, the band has created its own wicked sound." Okay, so the Dirty Swingers bit was enough to get me interested, but the addition of Burlesque seemed it could not be missed. They did wear smart clothes (the band all wore black bowling shirts with white accents and some wore black and white skull'n'crossbones ties), but they did not actualize anything clearly burlesque. And I would consider their sound closer to punk or ska than swing as almost everything was played at a frenetic pace. Of course, I still had a lovely time. They were funny, entertaining, and played some good tunes. They even did some covers of songs from The Commitments in honor of the Irish venue.

All told, it was a good evening. And now I am home and cooling off after my hour+ of dancing.

Brilliant Traces and Irish Hard Shoe Dancing

This weekend in the Rathmines Festival. (Rathmines is the closest town to where I live and is where most of my local shops are.) This is the fifth year of festivals and they've grown too large to fit in the one building where the previous years have been hosted. They are still in that building (Rathmines College which houses the Rathmines Town Hall room) but they are also in ten or twelve other venues in Rathmines. It's kinda cool. Not a street fair so it's not as visible, but it's a community event.

I went to a performance of Irish Hard Shoe dancing which is a style of Irish dance in that involves lots of taps and stomps. It is similar to tap dancing except there are no metal taps; just thick soles on the shoes for making sounds against the floor. It reminded me of a family friend who danced at one of my brother's wedding. It was good fun and there were lots of mesmerized children in the audience.

Then this evening there was a one-night performance of Brilliant Traces by Cindy Lou Johnson. I hadn't seen it since Erik directed it in Santa Cruz and was very excited to see another version, particularly one with Irish actors. (The play happens in Alaska and I wondered what they would do with the accents. They did fairly well with what I would term a non-British standard American; as opposed to the Standard American accent learned in voice classes, they had more of a country hint than the formality of the British influence.) The production was wonderful. I am kinda amped now. For those who are familiar with the show, you can understand. It's an intense experience. It's challenging for the two actors and they succeeded in navigating the highs and lows and tensions and releases and doubts and... it was really an amazing and needed experience to see challenging theatre done well.

Time with the ladies

Yesterday evening I met with Emer and Zoi and then today I met with Zoi and Liz. Overall, I continue to be amazed and grateful for these wonderful and fascinating women. So centered and powerful and vulnerable and smart... It's really a pleasure to be in this program with them. We're all so happy that we get along so well.

I think everyone has a little bit of the impending end on their minds, though. There's this small paper and then the dissertation and then...the great beyond, whatever that is for each person. Some will go straight on in more academics while others will avoid it for a while. But we have to jump through a couple more hoops before worrying too much about what's next.

Financial stuffs

I went to an exit interview for financial aide tonight. The guy who ran it was really good and, although it went for almost two hours and started at least ten minutes late, I was glad I went.

For those who didn't know, there is an opt-out program so the consumer credit companies cannot release your information for pre-screening (something they can do for a profit). This means you will not get any more of those unsolicited credit card applications in the mail.

Also, you can get your credit report from the three major consumer credit companies via one site for FREE. (Not to be confused with a site owned by Experion that gives you the Experion report for free while charging for the other two; it is alluring called freecreditreport.com)

He gave some good pointers for getting out of debt, including finding a good accountant and/or financial planner. This is something I will probably do when I return to California. For now, I'm going to focus on my program. But it's nice to feel like financial well-being is attainable, even with the price of education.

Ever the ambitious one...

As the weather is getting warmer and I anticipate my summer travels around the European continent, I have decided to make myself a long skirt. Shopping is notoriously difficult for me as I rarely find anything I actually like and, when I do, it rarely fits well. I haven't the heart to pay for alterations on something that isn't made well enough to last as a wardrobe solution.

I'll let you know how it goes and when it's finished. I just bought the fabric yesterday and the pattern the day before that. One of the M.Phil. students has a sewing machine so I will be waiting until I can borrow that to assemble it. That, of course, makes this whole idea more feasible. I cannot imagine myself actually finishing the project if I was sewing it by hand.

I have a scarf I started for Gabry for her birthday which is in a holding pattern until I get the extra skein of yarn I need for the tassels. It's a nice feeling to be working on little creative projects that, while not being completed, at least have a time-frame and plan for completion.

Reflections and hopefulness

The more I catch up with folks, the more I am hearing that my people are contemplating life and goals and how to achieve more quality-living and more success. It's inspiring to hear so much desire to do better and to live more fulfilling lives, but there is a weight of expectation than can be difficult to shake. So many aspirations and a willingness to believe... but it's fragile, y'know? There are forces all around us telling us to shut up, shut down, and just be content with the status quo.

I'm trying to nurture my own optimism and keep my deference to the doubts at a minimum. I find it's actually easier to do this the more I can support others in their own pursuits. Funny how it's easier to give accolades and support to others than it is to give it to myself. I guess it's part of the ol' it's easier to give than to receive... Really, I think it's less terrifying to support someone else taking a risk than it is for me to take a risk myself. Sometimes supporting someone else is just a way to live vicariously through the other person's possibility of success. That can sound cynical, but I think there is something very precious and wonderful about believing in someone else's success and hoping for it. The danger, I suppose, is projecting my own fears onto the person and hoping they will fail in order to confirm my own choice of inaction. (I know...yikes! That's rather harsh. But it happens...schadenfreude, baby.)

As I myself am limiting my levels of activity in order to be effective in one thing rather than balance a multiplicity of activities to a mediocre level of success, I am also trying to nurture other people's goals in the hope that they will continue to inspire me to pursue my own goals when I am ready and able. I'm getting into a habit of taking time each day to send out the good vibes for those I know are taking risks. And it does leave me with a feeling that success is possible, not as an end point, but as a way of life. All this makes me think of my grandmother who reminded me whenever I visited her that she said a little prayer for all her grandchildren every day. She believed in the possible and managed to find joy in the everyday living despite the challenges or disappointments. So there's my springtime goal: find joys in the everyday and nurture the pursuit of the possible.

One of the dangers of the internet

My family has once again affirmed for me that there is a danger of knowing how to navigate the internet with ease. They managed to send out links to three David Hasselhoff music videos and two links to pictures, one of which I had seen before and killed before it kicked into it's mesmerizing and traumatizing action-phase.

I will not be linking to any of these items, but I am sure you can search YouTube for David Hasselhoff to find his videos. The magic picture of him constantly emanating from the crotch of his tight red swimsuit, however, may be more difficult to find. But I have faith in you, computer-savvy folks, that you can find it if you really want to see it. And please don't complain to me when you have nightmares about the action photo one. I tried to warn you.

Brú na Bóinne and Temair

I finally went to two places near Dublin that were of interest to me. I rented a car and went on a little trip with some of my lovely classmates. I drove us up to Brú na Bóinne (aka Newgrange) to see the Neolithic burial mound. It was beautiful, though a little odd to contemplate the reconstruction of the outside that was done in the 1960s when it was really examined for the first time by an archaeological team. (And they rebuilt the facade that had been obscured by the overgrown hill. We didn't go to Knowth or to Dowth, but I think I will go back to visit all three at another time. (Knowth and Dowth are other burial mounds very nearby and overseen by the same visitor's centre. It contains 1/3 of all known European Neolithic art.)

We then went to lunch in Navan before heading south to Temair (aka The Hill of Tara, and in the midst of an intense debate regarding a proposed motorway that would come very close to it). We saw the Mound of the Hostages and the famous standing stones. I am amazed that the undulations in the earth have remained so defined over the years. I had heard you don't really get the impact unless you see it from the sky, but it was really neat to be in the midst of these huge patterns in the earth that have been there for more than a thousand years.

We ended the day by driving down to Dun Laoghaire and walking near the shore. It was a nice way to end the day. We all had lots of great chats about life, history, art... and we laughed a lot. I forgot my camera, but Chad and Zoi both had theirs so there are at least a couple pictures to mark the day. We all agreed we'll have to do more trips like this in the coming months.

Warmer weather, pinker skin

Having learned my lesson in years past, I know that I can avoid a bad burn by spending frequent, brief periods in the sun. I am one who, typically, burns rather than tans. And after a terrible burn at the end of August (hooray for open-top kayaks!), I am trying to pace myself for the long summer ahead of me. I like the sun and sunny days, but I don't like the heat. And if I am already having these thoughts in April, I am not looking forward to August!

Anyway, I've tried to stay out of the sun for the last couple days because my nose was looking a little pink. So far, so good. I am getting lots of reading done, too, by lingering in my flat with the windows open. (I get a good cross-ventilation between the kitchen and my bedroom.) I'm hoping I can find some nice, airy shirts that will keep the sun off my skin without making me overheat. Until then, I'll drink lots of water and linger in the shade.

I'm not sure how long this weather will last. The rain we were supposed to get this weekend hasn't materialized. I know it was pouring rain in the SF area last week. It's nice to get those little breaks in the weather. Keeps plants green; keeps me pale.

A dog stole my shoe

I went to St. Stephen's Green with some of my classmates today. It was another beautiful day in Dublin: warm with a bit of breeze. I got there, took off my shoes, and enjoyed the cool, slightly damp grass under my toes. I think I got a little too much sun today, though, because I walked to campus this morning. And that breeze kept me cool so I didn't realize how much sun I was getting.

Anyway, Zoi and I are chatting away and some girl comes over to tell me that this dog that had been wandering around stole one of my shoes. So I get up and walk over to where the dog has set himself. As soon as I get close, of course, he gets up and starts trotting away from me. I don't think he saw me though. So I start following him, not running because I don't want to scare him or get him thinking this is some fun game. Well he starts walking out of the park. So I follow him out all the while thinking how frustrating it would be to have to buy new shoes because some random dog took one of mine. He crosses the street and doesn't seem to be in a hurry to get anywhere, as if he's looking for his owner and isn't sure which way to go. I wait for the light to change and start going across the street. By now Zoi has come after me and is laughing away at how absurd this situation is. The dog has started to trot again and I am concerned that he'll just keep going so I decide to run after him. There were enough folks on the sidewalk that I figured he wouldn't break into a run. So I caught him, took my shoe from his mouth and turned to go back to the park. Zoi was still laughing.

We get to the corner and are waiting for the light to change when a woman walks up with the dog, this time on a leash. I turn to her and said, 'Your dog took my shoe.' And she says, 'Good thing you got it and he didn't just drop it out here on the street. I wouldn't have known how to find you.' ha ha. Isn't that funny? I looked at her and she apologized. Zoi makes some comment along the lines of 'what can you do?' and I said, 'It's not like you can change it now.'

When we got back into the park, the group who told me about the theft applauded our triumphant return. I'm sure they'll be telling that story for weeks.

My family and my friends

I must say that I have this overwhelming feeling of gratitude in my heart about the amazing, kind, and uniquely fascinating individuals in my life. I have a family that is hilarious and supportive; I have a partner in a loving and inspiring relationship; I have friends who constantly impress and challenge me. Every few months I find myself unable to wrap my brain around how I have been fortunate enough to be surrounded by so many folks whom I value and who seem to value me.

There have been, and will continue to be, times when I don't trust in The Universe or goodwill or a higher power. But there are also these precious moments in which I can't help see there are mitzvahs all around me. So I give thanks. To The Universe, to goodwill, to a higher power. To my family, to my man, and to my friends.

Post-paper vs. post-partum

When I attended the workshop a few weeks ago on de-romanticizing the PhD process, one of Dr. Sihra's comments was about the let down after submitting this project on which you have been focused for 3-5 years. As if that 3-5 year journey isn't an intense enough prospect, it was a bit of a revelation that the anxiety of letting go is going to be an issue.

I mean, I know enough about myself to know that I will get intensely focused on little details that I find integral and important when others find those details peripheral, at best. (Mr. Mastodon Farm, eh?) And the paper I just finished was by far the most intense, most thoroughly-produced and -synthesized intellectual product I have created to date. When I think of how much my brain hurts over 6,000 words developed from 6 months of research, the prospect of 6-8 times that experience is daunting. And yet the gratification I feel about how much better I am getting at this academic stuff makes me all the more excited about taking on the next big challenge. Thankfully, the next big challenge is only slightly bigger: my 12,000-15,000 word M.Phil. dissertation.

My DoppleGäng paper

Less than one hour ago, I submitted my paper on DoppleGäng's production Oz:A Fairytale Plot. I've been thinking about this production since I saw it in September and finally decided a couple months ago that I could write about it for one of my papers. Because this program is a theory-based program, I have delved into gender theory (i.e. Judith Butler's Gender Trouble). For my own sick pleasure, I have also used Paulo Freire's Pedagogy of the Oppressed in my discussion.

This combination allowed me to highlight the larger social frames being subverted through the performance of sex/gender variations.

If you feel like I am taking the fun out of the gender-bending and drag glamour...you might be right. The folks in the company with whom I spoke all insisted that there was not an ideological agenda. But that's precisely why I think it was effective as entertainment: because it didn't preach. And it's power to change the way people think is by presenting these variations of gender without any fanfare or glorification. Within the performance, everything is wonderfully camp-tastic: enjoy the artifice and the frivolousness and avoid taking anything too seriously.

But taking a step back and contemplating what was so pleasurable about the performance...well, for me, that is a different kind of fun. Like a cherry on the top.

Giants Heritage Nights

One of the things I love about San Francisco is the diversity. My San Francisco Giants host a series of cultural heritage nights, usually with some kind of memento, usually a hat or a t-shirt, that you can only get by purchasing a ticket and redeeming it at the game. I think the Irish t-shirts are pretty good this year. Too bad I won't be there. Maybe next season...

Nothing like a little CAKE

After an intense afternoon of negotiating gender theory and structures of oppression, I am mentally strained. Unlike a state of mental exhaustion, this mental strain is kinda like having a sore muscle: it haven't completely destroyed my ability to function, but I am aware of the rapidly approaching possibility.

As I left the Reading Room, I put on my iPod and instinctively scrolled to the perfect music for my mood: CAKE's Motorcade of Generosity. Luckily there weren't many folks on the bus which means I feel comfortable lip-syncing to my music which I did for almost the entire ride home. I giggled and smiled through their melodies and witticisms until I got into my apartment.

Now I am shifting into sleepy-mode so I can do anther full day tomorrow. I have a feeling I will pick up where I left off with CAKE tunes to get the day going in the right manner.

Globe-trotting

For those who didn't know, my dear friends Jean and Ben have relocated to Hong Kong. Jean will be teaching drama and Ben will probably be finding work with his web design skills. No doubt it will be an exciting time for them! I'm now thinking about going to visit them which means *really* focusing on my work in order to have the time to spend on more traveling.

This 'travel' thing really is a slippery slope situation. The more I travel, the more possible and uneventful the idea of travel becomes. I still don't have that mindset, but I am surrounded by it. With airfares being (relatively) affordable, lots of Irish folks travel to other countries multiple times a year. Like four or five times a year. I rarely leave California even once a year, let alone the US. I am not used to living with the reality and accessibility of travel. But it's also deceiving because the expenses to add up. And, like anything, I am privileged enough to have the possibility to purchase it, but is that where I want to spend my limited resources (time, money, energy, etc.)?

Much to contemplate...after I finish my essays.

Kicking a Dead Horse

I went with my classmates to a performance of Sam Shepard's newest play at the Peacock (part of the Abbey Theatre...the smaller theatre downstairs where new works are frequently done). It starred Stephen Rea; the part was written for him. Sam Shepard directed it, too.

There were moments that were wonderful, but overall the performance was inconsistent. It's practically a one-man show. (I got the script and need to explore the second character a bit.) It was the first time I was aware as an audience person of the ability of the performer and the potential within the text despite the production not hitting solidly.

We all had mixed feelings about it. I think it will take time to process. It has some clear Beckett influence as well as room for Mr. Rea to explore his range of characterization. It's neat to see these men continuing to work together. Yet there was something unsatisfying in the performance/production/script...

Baseball Season

Baseball season began with the arrival of April and it's weird to not be able to watch the games. Admittedly I have not been an avid fan even when I was in the US, but, over the years, a few dear folks have fostered my appreciation for the sport (Thanks you Mike, Ben, and Sarah Jane!). I was really getting into it by the end of last season and now here I am, stranded in my Giants' hat, selectively/covertly wearing orange so as to not offend anyone in the Republic, and forced to get my baseball updates from the internet.

The Giants won last night and, in preparation for facing the Dodgers, I am wearing my lid to get the spirit going. The game tomorrow is at 12:55 PST (20:55 in Ireland) so I might try to be on the internet before I go to bed to at least get the live updates. There's probably some way to hear the games. I might look into it. Of course the night games all happen at 2-6 am Irish time and I doubt I will stay up for those.

Perhaps once I have finished my paper and have a bit more space in my head I can figure out how to proceed in getting my baseball fix.

Ah folk music...

When I was at the IAAS conference last weekend, I attended a paper on The Kingston Trio and possible reasons why they were never popular (on the charts) in Ireland despite success in New Zealand, Australia, and Japan (as well as at home in the US). This got me thinking about having been raised on folk music and how the movement in the US in many ways was taking songs from other cultures to build a music of the people in the US. This is an odd sort of cultural piracy or appropriation: to use a song from another culture to speak to my own. Yet it worked, but I don't think it meant the same thing.

Consider the English "Scarborough Fair," the Cuban "Guantanamera," or Harry Belafonte's reworking of the Jamaican/Trinidadian "Banana Boat Song." Yes, there were originals. Bob Dylan wrote many (although some based on the poetry of Welshman Dylan Thomas, which is an entirely different discussion of authorship/influence) as did Woody Guthrie, Pete Seeger, and many others. There were even songs like Dion's "Abraham, Martin, and John" that build upon US history. But there was also a whole lot of...well, using someone else's because we didn't really have our "own" (again, the discussion of being a country of mostly immigrants is another discussion).

I can understand that The Kingston Trio wouldn't be popular in Ireland when there was a resurgence of interest in Irish traditional songs at about the same time. If you want to feel connected to your country, to your people, to your land, I could imagine music from folks who lived there before you would be a good place to start. Dr. Bracefield mentioned The Clancy Brothers, The Dubliners, and The Chieftains. She didn't mention The Irish Rovers but there were lots of US folk singers she didn't mention either. After all, the focus was on The Kingston Trio.

I guess the whole reason I started this little folk music history entry was that I found myself listening to Peter, Paul & Mary the other evening and then really wanted to listen to "M.T.A." this morning. Maybe it's thinking about going to Church and remembering the folk music masses of my childhood...

Amazing weather change

I didn't want to jinx things, but the day looks good enough that I am not going to worry. The weather here for the past three days has been unbelievably beautiful and warm. There's still a bit of breeze and it's cold in the shadows of buildings, but there are people shedding layers all around the city, especially on campus. Unlike Santa Cruz, there are no sunbathers in their swimsuits. But the edges of the cricket pitch (and any other grass area at Trinity, really) are surrounded by folks absorbing as much sun as they can handle. Lots of folks napping.

The other day Gabry and I watched as folks brought out Frisbees and foot-/soccer balls. Then we watched for the Trinity guards to come clear the field because every piece of grass at Trinity has a sign next to it about keeping off the grass. And they did appear eventually to push everyone to the edges of the grass. All it took was walking over and saying that they needed to move. It's amazing how cooperative folks are when they know they've broken a rule.

I am curious if things will cloud over in the late afternoon. It's Good Friday. My sisters and I noticed once in our youth that the sky always seemed to cloud over in the late afternoon-evening on Good Friday, no matter how gorgeous and warm the week or morning had been.

Disconnected and imbalanced

Since I finished courses at the beginning of March, I have had complete control of my schedule. Unlike when I had courses to at least frame part of my weekdays, I am into research and writing mode during which I bear full responsibility for balancing social, scholastic, and sanity-related activities. And I am not doing such a good job.

March was a month of extremes and I paid for it by the end. I have not been able to focus for a eight-hour work day, let alone a solid four-hour one. I find myself working in fits and starts. I am trying to be patient with my mind/body/soul needs and, thankfully, am starting to feel the balance being restored.

The bonus is that my paper that was due on Friday cannot be due until Tuesday because of the campus closures for Holy Friday and Holy Monday. This means I can indulge in the recuperation I need to do the best work I can. Also, I am not participating in the conference next week which further opens my schedule and reduces my stress.

I've talked with most of my classmates and I think we will institute some kind of regular meeting for the next five months so we can have time together and, hopefully, support each other in this process. I'll see them all on Saturday for a play (Kicking a Dead Horse...new play by Sam Shepard starring Stephen Rea) and propose my master plan. Bwa ha ha ha!

€93...?!?!

I put together a lovely package of goodies for my family for Easter and was finally ready to ship it (all in one package to my parents, thinking that would be simplest) and discovered that I couldn't ship it through Irish Air Post because there was a jar of jam inside which was glass and they don't ship glass or liquids via Air Post. The man told me I could try sending the package with the jam and see if it goes through. I asked what would happen if it didn't "go through" and he said it would be discarded. Somehow that doesn't sound like a good option to me. This was on Tuesday morning. Okay.

This morning, Wednesday, I walked to the Mail Boxes Etc. (yes, they have them here, too) where I could ship it via UPS. And then I also discovered that it would cost my €93. Then I walked back to my flat with the box because, much as I love my family and would like them to have my little gifts, I am not paying that much.

Now I will unwrap the package so I can send the items in smaller bundles via Air Post. And I guess I will keep the jam until my parents come visit this summer. So much for my well-intentioned gift-giving...

This girl is going places!

Yes, there are wheels inside this shoe. It's a mode of transport, kinda like a soap-box racer. No, I didn't try to move it. But I thought about it.

A Van Gogh period

When Sandrine and I went to the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam, I had this amazing reaction to his work and found myself making connections and having insights into life and art. I spent a lot of time wandering around the gift shop, deciding what would be the right gift for myself to remind me of this experience, to become my touchstone. I decided upon a book about his letters, mostly the ones to his younger brother, Theo, and lots of postcards of his paintings.

It's the process that's most interesting to me. And he wrestled with his process A LOT. He would sketch the painting on which he was working in the letters he sent. He spent a lot of time practising, exploring different tools and images and styles, figuring out how to translate his thoughts and visions into this other medium. And I find it comforting to have that process made tangible before me because so much of my process is stuck in my head and never made tangible, especially when I am not working on a production.

I think this may be my Van Gogh period. I have magnets with images from his paintings and some quotes from his letters. They are there to inspire me, to center me, to remind me that this is a life-long journey in which I am still figuring out my medium. I am hoping I can accept that the work I am doing right now are like the treatments he did before his paintings (such as for The Potato Eaters). I've already experienced this with the presentation I delivered on Saturday; I'm already thinking about the next round of research to refine and rephrase my argument more successfully. I am understanding better why many academics will get articles published and then collect them and rework them for a book as the through-line develops.

So much potential

I am having incredible difficulty feeling secure in my words, in myself, in almost everything right now. This has happened more and more since Christmas. I am in the midst of my work and feel the pressure of the time constraints to get the thoughts out and to have my words be as accurate to my thoughts as possible. And it's not happening as I would like it to happen. I want to keep reading, to verify my ideas, to substantiate things, to explore more...but there isn't time for that because I have a deadline. And I would work more, but my body will not. My brain will not take in more information. It's like the data capacity is full for this hard drive; it's a zero sum game and I need to just let go a bit and use what I have.

I know I am putting lots of pressure on myself and that negotiating that is part of this journey, but it's really difficult. I am overwhelmed and need to relax, but I don't let go enough to be rejuvenated by the rest time. And then I try to get back to work and I still haven't found the words or the frame for my argument. I know it's all there, waiting to be realized...but I can't get it out.

Last night I wrote just so I could feel like I was constructive and productive, but I don't think I will use much of it. Ultimately, I copied quotes I think I will use from my notes onto the computer. It helped a little bit, but I have so much more work to do. This is one of the most frustrating parts of a research-based position: I can't force my brain to make the connections on a time-frame.

So I am trying to be nice to myself, to give my mind and body the space, the privacy, the low-stimulation it needs. But I know I will have to get to the work sooner rather than later.

I really did study on this trip

I don't remember this picture being taken, but it captured part of this trip for me. Poor Sandrine generously tolerated my explorations of thought and indulged me in the adventure of organizing the structure for a course I would like to teach someday.