me and my cute nautical beanie

This is me standing on a bridge in Interlaken, Switzerland. The water really is that color. As silly as it is, I couldn't stop thinking about Ice Blue Jelly Bellies because I always thought the color was unreal. Now I know that it is based in reality.

Before I get angry posts from my mom about not wearing gloves in the snow, I actually intended to purchase gloves almost as soon as the trip started because I realized I left my gloves at home. But I didn't find any worth buying and it wasn't too cold. I promise I would've bought them had I really needed them. I rather like my fingers and would like to keep them a while longer.

The fashionable beanie came from Amsterdam. From a nautical shop. Made in Amsterdam, even.

My first academic conference presentation

I participated in my first academic conference in which I was a presenter. It was a great experience, especially because the individuals in the organization and attending the conference were inspiring. I've been hungry for a multi-disciplinary environment and I inadvertently found one.

The conference was through the Irish Association for American Studies (IAAS) which is affiliated with the European Association for American Studies (EAAS). Somehow it hadn't occurred to me that such an association would exist and I am still processing this revelation. It brings together individuals from a spectrum of fields around this one nation of study and it's really exciting (to me, anyway) for these individuals to be actively working to communicate across boundaries of field of study. For example, English professors who study American Literature talking with Historians who study American History talking with Musicologist who study jazz... it is amazing how the vocabularies shift when talking to someone outside of your immediate one. It is challenging, yet quite gratifying. Part of what is most powerful about this is that each person has an understanding and level of mastery in her/his field.

More and more I feel my theatre training has not prepared me for the kind of work I want to do. I do not have the mastery of a frame for discussing philosophy or history or poetic structures. Yes, I have a foundation of literary analysis and have developed critical thinking skills (Thank you, Mr. Okey!) in order to help me develop other methods of critical thought. This need to develop a stronger method for critical thought is the main reason I am looking to do my PhD back in the US; in a program with two years of courses prior to research I can construct a path of knowledge to prepare me for the kind of thoughts I want to develop in my research.

I learned a great deal from the conference, particularly about specific ways in which I can improve my work. In this way, I feel successful about my participation and feel more prepared for (and excited about) future conferences.

The Cliffs of Moher experience

I had been warned about the "experience" built up around the Cliffs of Moher on the west coast of Ireland. I figure it has something to do with preserving the cliffs which were deteriorating from the increasing numbers of visitors, but I also know that there is an opportunity for making money from and providing services to the aforementioned visitors.

Despite attempts to minimize the further damage, there is a sign discouraging walking along the cliffs. Clearly it is not the most effective means of enforcement.
But the Cliffs are beautiful and somewhat haunting even with the constructed viewing area.

Faux Facade on a church in Brussels

When Sandrine and I were walking in Brussels last week, we noticed that a church was undergoing some repairs to its facade. The fabric hung around the scaffolding has an image of what the face of the church as it "should" look. Given I had just been reading Susan Sontag's "Notes on 'Camp'" I began to wonder if there was enough effort and love put into the image on the fabric to qualify. I think the fact that it looks fake despite the effort to make it look accurate and that I find such pleasure in this artificial facade, it might well count as an encounter with Camp.

Bounce Balls in Baumholder

I saw some girl twisting away at the knobs on some candy dispensers in the Arts Building at Trinity College and thought to myself, "That's how those knobs get broken!" And then I remembered buying huge bounce balls from a dispenser at a restaurant in Baumholder with Cory and a couple of his friends. The machine didn't want to work anymore after we bought three. So we left. And then they proceeded to run down the dark street after the balls as they bounced in and out of site. They were positively gleeful! It still makes me smile...

Languages, fluency, and the well-intentioned attempt

Most of my recent travels were in French- or German-speaking areas of Europe. (Surprisingly, for me anyway, was the frequent use of English in Amsterdam.) I have limited French thanks mostly to Mrs. Marchiano (in 7th grade!) and limited German (thanks to Wolfgang and to Cory). The best was that I actually ordered our food the first night in Interlaken in German. Not very well, mind, but I tried. And the waiter was very nice about it. (Remind me later to tell you about the hostel there!) And I got to use the German slang good-bye that Cory taught me, much to the surprise of some shopkeepers.

I have a renewed appreciation for the ability to speak in multiple languages, even just a little. All the guide books I have seen recommend at least trying to speak the language (especially French) because the effort is an important gesture of humility and is usually appreciated. And I felt less rude when I tried to speak the other person's language rather than assume/insist on English.

Traveling and Reflecting

I have found in my time away from home and loved ones that I will think of some folks a lot in a short amount of time and am now taking that to be an indication of a few things:
1. I miss that person
2. I am partaking of an activity with which I associate that person and/or I think that person would enjoy said event
3. I am trying to learn/grow in a way that person would appreciate/support/challenge
4. I am missing something in my life that said person contributes/encourages

In my travels I thought lots of different folks, but always very precious and loving thoughts. I am so fortunate! My most frequent thought was of my grandmother and of my dad because they encouraged me to utilize the encyclopedia from an early age. And those research skills come in handy when traveling, especially when I know only a handful of words in the common language.

Inspired by Stephen

When Stephen went on his now-legendary driving excursions in Canada, he would take pictures of himself while he was driving. This stuck in my memory so, while Sandrine was sleeping and unaware of the potential danger in which she could find herself, I took this picture of myself. Very silly, but it was at once an homage to Stephen and a chronicle of my increasing comfort in driving on the left-side of the road (something that increased rapidly once I got out of Dublin city).

Belgian Waffle in Belgium!

In an attempt to scratch the surface of each city/country we visited, we tried to enjoy local foods. In Brussels, our first food stop was a Belgian Waffle and hot beverage. Later in the day we purchased Belgian chocolates and enjoyed some Kriek, a particular version of Lambic beer. We got frites on our second visit to Brussels; while I did not partake of the local preference for mayonnaise with the frites (with mussels), I did have a mayo-based sauce that was something like a slightly spicy, not too tomato-y thousand island dressing.

Don Quixote y Sancho Panza

When Sandrine and I first got into Brussels (after taking the train into the city from the airport), we walked down to the Grote Markt (aka Grand Place). On our way, we walked under this statue of Don Quixote and Sancho Panza. My dad is quite the Quixote enthusiast so I took this picture thinking of him. One of my goals for next year is to renew my abilities in Spanish so I can read this Cervantes classic in its original form (obviously in a slightly altered annotated version so I can understand the references better).

I took another shot from less of an angle, but I like the idea of looking up at these men on their journey, as if acknowledging they exist on an entirely different level.

My Mom would be proud

A few years ago, after I finished my BA, my mom encouraged me to get a nice watch (being a functional piece of jewelry for a University graduate). I, being my typical finicky self, ended up selecting a Fossil watch which was a decent watch, but not a nice watch. Functional, yes; jewelry, not really.

When I graduated from high school, it was important to my mom to get me a string of pearls; I think it was her way of ushering me into adulthood and arming me with something elegant for the right occasion that I would be likely to encounter in the future. I'm very lucky that she has continued to encourage me along that transition from college-living to stable adulthood.

So while I was traveling in Interlaken, Switzerland, I stopped into a watch shop and, quite unexpectedly, saw a watch that I really liked. I almost got one that twisted white gold with a copper-toned metal, but Sandrine and I decided the copper tone didn't look as good on me. It's one of the first real souvenirs I have purchased and I am very excited to wear it this weekend when I give my first presentation at a conference. Now I just need to plan a professional-looking outfit to go with the watch!

Looking back at the comments

I was checking to see if there were any comments on my previous posts that I may have missed from being gone (which there weren't), but I ended up looking at the comments that have been made. My sister Erin has made quite a few, usually little smileys or encouragement. And most of them were at the beginning. I guess we've all got kinda used to me being away and not getting to chat very often.

On an entirely different note, I just looked out the window to see four different pedestrians walking on the sidewalk and ALL of them were women and ALL of them were wearing some shade of pink. I guess Spring is on it's way.

Home, Sweet Home!

I got back from my week+ European travels and am worn, but have had a wonderful time. I'll try to post some of the hilarity and things of note in the coming days/weeks. There were points during the trip when we weren't sure if things were complicated because we couldn't access the necessary information or if we were looking too intently for additional information. Everything worked out well, especially our plan to get going on the trip (armed with information about places to go and things to see) and handle decisions as it felt appropriate/necessary to make them. Ultimately, the trip ended up suiting our needs quite well. And Sandrine was a great travel buddy!

Here is a picture I took of us at the Manneken Pis fountain in Brussels, Belgium. It was the first of six attempts to capture us with the fountain (and, unfortunately the most successful despite lacking the statue's head). Sandrine finally asked someone to take our picture, but I find that misses the point and the stupidity of my feeble attempts. So I have included my first of many frustrated attempts for your viewing pleasure.

Basic information on the trip: Brussels, Belgium to Amsterdam, Holland/The Netherlands to Brussels, Belgium to Bern, Switzerland to Interlaken, Switzerland to Bern, Switzerland to Paris, France. We learned a great deal about the finer points of Eurail travel which we are contemplating putting into a small travel book, especially because the travel books we used did not provide some of the information we needed for/learned through our travels.

Brussels train system

After a frustrating afternoon with the Brussels transit system, Sandrine and I finally arrived in Amsterdam. It seems like a lovely city, though we haven't explored much because we got to town later than planned. We've started a list of things we've learned through our travels, particularly about the Eurail passes and navigating different transit systems.

Coming not too long after my trip to London, I am severely disappointed with other transit systems. Luckily, Sandrine has a good sense of humor and we weren't freaking out. We got ourselves sorted and laughed a lot along the way.

On a different note, we bumped into a Trinity student in Brussels. I almost forgot her name seeing her out of context, especially being in a California frame of reference with Sandrine around me. Now Sandrine keeps making jokes about how I keep meeting people on the street who I know. Funny how small the world can be...

Sighting a Bakesale customer in Ireland

While touring the Kilmainham Gaol, I noticed that a fellow also on the tour looked familiar. After a few minutes, I realized he was a Bakesale Betty customer! (I remember in particular selling him a carrot cake for his father's birthday.) Once I was certain he was from the US (i.e. accent check), I approached him. I remembered his name incorrectly (though I was close). We laughed at the randomness of meeting here. He actually moved out of Oakland and had been living in London so he didn't know that I had left the bakery to study here.

We took a picture because he'll be going back to California and will see his former roommate who was a regular as well. I figured there was a good chance I would see someone during the year abroad and I'm kinda glad that I did, especially this customer because he was always pleasant and friendly.

The Cutest Tour Guide

We went to the Kilmainham Gaol (aka Jail) today and had the cutest tour guide! His name is Donal and he was a wonderful combination of sincerity, excitement, and generosity. He clearly is used to delivering the tour to folks who don't speak English as a first language and made a point to reiterate important facts, to reference previous parts of the tour, and to remind guests to ask questions or ask him to slow down if something isn't clear.

The Gaol is not as creepy as Alcatraz, though I imagine it would be equally creepy at night and in darkness. It's not as big and we didn't learn about any of the violent criminals who were housed there. Mostly it held uprising leaders, political prisoners, and petty criminals (i.e. folks who stole food, even children). It seems that it is more a Republican celebration of ousting England than an account of life as an imprisoned person. To be fair, there is a museum that has additional information on the period, on the architecture, and on the hard labor/life in the prison.

Of course Donal's cheerful self probably prevented the experience from being too ominous.

David McSavage and company

We went to a comedy show on the evening of St. Patrick's Day to see David McSavage. Much as folks who attended "Dane Cook's Tourgasm" learned, there is a big difference between organized by and featuring. Mr. McSavage barely had any stage time and some of the eight comedians were mediocre to terrible. Overall it was a good evening, but there were some definitely painful moments. A ten-minute set that isn't working can seem interminable.

One of the coolest parts of the show was hearing jokes and knowing that, while I am missing some parts, I am getting more than I anticipated. Much as showing Sandrine around Dublin has cemented my confidence in the information I have learned, so has being able to laugh at Irish jokes.

St. Patrick's Day parade

I was pleasantly surprised by the Dublin St. Patrick's Day parade. I was told not to expect much from the parade and to expect lots of madness from the folks on the street. I found the opposite to be true. After promising Sandrine multiple views of Dublin life via the festival frenzy, things were surprisingly tame. The parade included some elaborate costumes and puppets and more than four marching bands from around the US. Highlights of music included "I'm Holding on for a Hero" by Bonnie Tyler and "Fight for Your Right (To Party)" by the Beastie Boys.

Overall, it made me excited to attend more parades and even to get into planning them. It is a public spectacle/performance that folks actually attend when there is a good amount of excitement around the event. I think it would be great fun to work on a float, etc. And I know plenty of talented folks to help make it happen.

Eventually, I would like to attend the Mummer's Parade in South Philly as well as the St. Patrick's parades in Boston, New York, and Chicago. Gabry's brother recommended the Venetian Carnival celebration. I welcome recommendations of other parades I should add to the list.

Driving in Dublin

I picked up a rental car so Sandrine and I can drive around a bit of Ireland before St. Patrick's Day. I figured I should get a little driving in town before we hit the open (and not well-maintained) country roads. The gear shift and emergency brake are on the left while the indicator control is on the right. Luckily the pedals are in the same order that I am used to (clutch, brake, gas).

With a minimal amount of revving the engine and no stalls, I made it from City Centre out to my apartment and got parked. I did, however, flick the windshield wipers on more than once because I forgot about the indicator being on the other side. Now I'll know to keep an eye out for other vehicles doing that when it isn't raining so I can know who else is a new left-hand-side-of-the-road driver; there'll be lots of them with St. Patrick's Day coming up.

And so the fun begins!

Sandrine is coming to town!

Even better than Santa Claus, Sandrine is coming to visit me! So if you don't hear from me, it's because we're running about the Irish countryside or parts of Europe. I'll be sure to bring my camera and fill you in on some of our adventures in the coming weeks. Know that I love you all, and I will be thinking of you.

DoppleGäng does Disco!

Went to the Tuesday night Glitz! event last night (for gay people and friends). It was fun, but it was a very late night for me. DoppleGäng performed a piece of at least four songs that lasted about ten minutes. All thoroughly choreographed with seven performers. They manage to move between campy and sincere all the while having a great time themselves.

The crowd was significantly more men than women and there appeared to be a good amount of heterosexuals in the crowd. I think it's nice that the gay scene in Dublin includes non-gay identified folks.

The Tourists Are Taking Over

The evening tours on campus have started. I can't go to any restaurant I like in Dublin City Centre without encountering tourists, mostly from the US. It's kinda weird. Okay, it's a lot weird. Gabry said the line to the Book of Kells during the summer lead all the way out the side gate of campus. Another thing to which I am not looking forward, especially when I already feel oppressed by the abundance of people.

Unlike living in San Francisco, I am working right in the thick of things. Ground Zero as it were. I am doing my research in the 1937 Postgraduate Reading Room which is just around the corner from the Book of Kells and the Long Room. In SF, I could keep away from the tourist areas. Even Golden Gate Park wasn't too inundated with tourists.

This weekend will be a good tester for my tolerance with the madness that will be St. Patrick's Day in Dublin. A taxi driver told me it would be pandemonium. And I assured him that I am eager to see it, especially the parade. I'll have to further brush up on my understanding of Camp, because this weekend will undoubtedly be full of inadvertent articulations of Camp. And for that I cannot wait!

(Re)reading Susan Sontag

I read Susan Sontag's essay "Notes on 'Camp' " a couple years ago (when studying with Peter) and am returning to it with fresh eyes as I prepare to analyze the Oz show. A few months ago someone asked me to define 'Camp' and I muddled through some description that wasn't nearly as concise as Sontag's initial assessment ("the essence of Camp is its love of the unnatural: of artifice and exaggeration"). She definitely elaborates on this point, but it remains a solid foundation for additional clarification.

One of the most wonderful thing about reading her essays from 1962-1965 (as published in Against Interpretation), is reading them with awareness that she herself acknowledges that she moved on from those thoughts. She insists that she meant them when she wrote them, but that she didn't believe them before she wrote them and was already moving onto further thoughts once she finished writing. I realize this may appear to be an obvious point, but I feel it encourages the reader to not limit a perception of her writing to one piece that was written at one point in her evolution as a person, as an artist, and as a writer.

Post-Alternative Miss Ireland

I just got home from the almost four hour event that was the 2007 Alternative Miss Ireland competition. It was quite varied. The hostess for the evening was Panti, a local talent who does a great Dolly Parton. Lots of previous winners and talents on the gay Dublin scene were there and taking part. (Gay seems to be the term of choice, at least tonight it was.)

I was quite surprised by the hetero-focus of the backup dancers for the performances. And there was an all-male, all-het group performing in faux-70s splendor. And there was one other self-identified het performer. There was a Filipino contestant, a Polish contestant, and another Asian contestant (her country was not specified). There was the current Alternative Miss Cork (who is actually English) and the current Alternative Miss Belfast. And, of course, Funtime Gustavo fronted DoppleGäng in a two-part number ("This Is Halloween" into "Thriller").

The winner, which I am sure you are all eager to know, was an urban Dublin gal named Joanna Ryde. Her performance was well-choreographed, her character is a hilarious send-up of Dublin youth (19 years old with a three year old, arrested for stealing, on the dole but works at Spar "under the table"). She was clearly the favorite. The first and second runners up were classic Queens of the old style: lots of class, sass, and sequins.

Liz and I were also both uproariously laughing for the first contestant who was an elderly Salvation Army woman. She sang songs about Jesus in the first and third rounds. For the second round, the swimsuit competition, she came out in sackcloth because she thought it was the sin-suit round. And then she talked about how moved she was by Jesus and ripped off the sackcloth dress to reveal a saggy breasted nude suit with grey pubic hair. For those who were wondering, yes, the nipples were perky. For those who would rather have not known, ummm...sorry. It was quite a visual. I'm sure you can conjure one for yourself.

Overall, it was a good time. I heard some grumblings in the crowd about the strong hetero presence in the competition. I have mixed feelings about it, but mostly think it's a good thing for individuals who want to celebrate the art of camp to do so regardless of gender, sex, or sexual orientation. But I can also understand the feeling of loss when this traditionally community-centered event expands and the original energy becomes diluted and altered by the new energies. But life is change. And maybe there will be a resurgence of gay energy next year in reaction to this year. Only time will tell.

PhDeromanticizing

I attended a presentation by one of my teachers on Friday in which she attempted to de-romanticize the PhD process and journey from a Masters program. She succeeded, but didn't succeed in deterring me. One of my classmates and I went out afterwards and laughed at how both of us find the PhD appealing despite it's challenges and obvious deterrents. We acknowledged that we're probably crazy, but that seems to actually be a trait linked with others that are helpful in the PhD journey.

Liz and I actually had a really wonderful afternoon of conversation about life and art and goals and living...she's a neat gal and I'm really glad she's here in this program. I'm glad for all my classmates, actually. This is precisely the environment I wanted in terms of having peers who could challenge me and who were interested in doing the work and applying it. It's a nice community we've developed.

And I feel more prepared for the whole PhD thing (applications through research). And while I am excited about the teaching and productions that will happen down the road, I am more excited about the work I am doing right now. And that is a really wonderful thing to say/write and to believe.

Newsies in my head

Somehow HobNobbin' got me singing "King of New York" from Newsies. I am worried that I will be trying to go to sleep, but all I will be thinking is how I'll be blowin' my dough and goin' deluxe. And there I'll be. Ain't I pretty. It's my City. I'm the King of New...umm...This is going to be problematic.

HobNobbin' It!

Since I got here, I have always kept some digestive biscuits in the cupboard. Essentially these are graham/fiber-filled cookies. Obviously more cookie-ish than nutritional, but there you go. They're simple and a source of fiber; and sometimes I eat them with almond butter. I don't get the chocolate ones, but they appear to be very popular: digestive biscuits with milk chocolate on one side.

Then I was introduced to HobNobs which are a biscuit with oats in them so they are nubbly goodness. These are delicious in their own way and I have been craving them lately. This could become a dangerous habit because these are SO tasty with the chocolate. yummmerrific!

And I can even get them in a cardboard container with a plastic cap so they stay fresh!

The past is falling away...

What with the recent Lunar eclipse and the astrological state of affairs more generally, there is a theme at present of change. Anthropologist Victor Turner wrote lots on rituals and the liminal spaces they occupy/address/create (sorry for being overly vague, but it is kinda complicated). Basically, the liminal is a threshold: a transition from one state to the next, entered knowingly. So a wedding ritual is a means by which a (wo)man transitions in the eyes of society from being a single person into a married person. Again, overly simple, but hopefully you get the point.

So this past falling away, this period of change...it's similar to the liminal, but I don't know precisely where I am going or how I will be different. But I definitely feel I am approaching a threshold that I will cross. I feel my awareness shifting; my articulation of goals and desires is difficult which usually means that I'm approaching a new understanding of myself, of my intentions, and of my relationships to the world.

I've noticed lots of others going through this as well. Lots of uncertainty. Hopefully everyone can take a deep breath and seek out the company of stability and comfort in times of confusion and distress. Personally, I've found my anger easily stimulated today so I made it an early day and retreated to my apartment so as to find constructive ways to navigate this transitional period. (I've been semi-successful on that, by the way. Sometimes it's difficult to let go of the anger when I haven't fully articulated how my hackles got raised. But some days...it just happens. Misunderstandings as opposed to maliciousness, y'know?)

I'm going to try to let go of what I don't need, but have been clinging to out of habit or perceived need. I'll let you know how it goes.

Kinda like getting your pilot's license

Have you ever thought it would be cool to have a pilot's license? To have the freedom to fly whenever you wanted to do it? Or to do a solo sky-diving jump? Well, not only do those freedoms come with responsibilities (although I am not so sure about the sky-diving...that may just be pure fun), they also come at a significant cost. Literally. You have to pay so much for lessons from the accredited individuals/organisations that you are kinda just purchasing this privilege. Yes, there is work that goes along with it. So it's like steroids: if you have the money to buy and the time to tone, you'll get that buffed body you so desire...

Anyway, my whole point for this meandering post is that I've likened academic success to these endeavors. There is a large amount of privilege and circumstance that gives some folks an advantage over others. Much as individuals who want to fly but can't afford private lessons can learn to fly through joining the Air Force (potentially), there are those who work extra-hard to succeed while there are others who can buy their way into a higher level on the ladder towards Success. (Kinda like indulgences...)

So I can have my papers accepted at conferences, which is an affirmation in my ability to write a better/more relevant abstract than someone else (I've been assured there are people turned away from conferences, although I have not encountered anyone yet), but I still am expected to pay admittance to the club/organisation hosting the conference. But it's like buying time in the air with a trained professional...I get to be next to more experienced academics and, possibly, elevate my status or build the skills necessary to progress in academia. After all, presenting at a conference is one way to get published and getting published sufficiently is a requirement for tenured teaching positions at most research institutions.

Perhaps I am having a cynical moment...I know I've had a cynical day...but I am still aware that I am kinda buying access to sharing my ideas.

How bold am I?

I am presenting a version of my Tom Murphy research at a conference in mid-July. I submitted my DoppleGäng paper for a conference in mid-April. And I just sent in an abstract of my Doubt research for a conference at the end of March.

Even presenting at the one conference will be cool. But I think my head might explode from shock and excitement if I end up presenting at all three. I'm really excited at the prospect, though, especially because each paper is addressing a different topic. Somewhere, in the intersection of these three papers, is a strong commentary on me...or on where my interests lie.

Alternative Miss Ireland

I am going to the Alternative Miss Ireland competition on Sunday and I am thrilled. Oh yes. It will be amazing. The reigning AMI is Funtime Gustavo, member of DoppleGäng, the troupe that did the Wizard of Oz production at the Dublin Fringe Festival (see my blog entry on that) which means the troupe will perform at the show before passing the crown to the new AMI winner.

What makes it even more exciting is that I am writing a paper for one of my courses on DoppleGäng's Oz show. And I submitted a proposal to present the paper at a conference in Belfast in April. I have a feeling that there is more than one presentation's worth of material here because the troupe is ambitious, talented, and diverse. It's really exciting to find this group who pushes all sorts of boundaries of performance, style, and gender.

I'll keep you posted on the paper and conference. Literally.

Merleau-Ponty and My Dissertation

I met with my advisor, Eric, on Monday and he's great! He did his PhD on comedy in theatre and was an actor for years. He is a big part of the acting program here at Trinity. He was the one staff person I did not know on the panel for discussing our dissertation proposals. When I saw him last week, I had the sense that physical performance (i.e. clowning) was one of his strengths. Much like dancers, there is a different way of holding oneself when there is a heightened awareness of the body and how to use it effectively.

Anyway, we discussed my dissertation topic and my lack of a clear methodology. He recommended a couple authors for me to peruse. The timing is right for me to read a bit this week and then let those ideas percolate while I work on my first paper (which is due at the beginning of April). One author is Maurice Merleau-Ponty, French philosopher and phenomenologist. He does lots on perception which could be good for talking about Irish perceptions of the performances I want to analyse. The other recommendation from Eric was John Searle on Speech Act Theory. (This was actually started by a linguist Austin and has been continued by others since.) I could use Speech Act Theory to discuss how the performance could effect the audience.

Personally, I am leaning towards the Speech Act Theory because it's more stable footing. It's difficult to get a clear knowledge of the audience response. Even if I do a survey, will I get enough responses to make the information viable for speaking to a larger community? Is that even what I want to do? This isn't a sociological experiment, although I could make it one... With Speech Act Theory I can analyse from the speaker's point of view rather than approach analysis from the reception side. I think there will be less speculation involved with the semiotic/Speech Act analysis. But I also don't need to make that decision for another month. Feel free to read a bit for yourselves and let me know what you think.

Over Stimulated

Do you ever reach a point at which any human contact is too much? After weeks of working (these nine-week terms are intense), I spent a lovely weekend in London and reached my maximum capacity for human interaction. So I spent yesterday almost entirely at home with my only outside contact being a few texts to Gabry and going to campus for about ninety minutes (class and a quick visit to the library for some Merleau-Ponty texts).

I almost didn't even go to class. In the early afternoon, when I finished my healthy home-made lunch and my last load of laundry, I decided to take a little power nap so I would be ready for the energy-drain of leaving the house. (For those who haven't done an at-home rejuvenation day, my body gets into an energy conservation mode--kinda like the semi-electric cars that charge the battery when coasting--and shifting into energy out-put mode can be jarring.) So I finish my power nap perfectly (twenty minutes and awake before my alarm), but the thought of getting up and being out in the world got my heart racing. I almost didn't go to class because my body/mind seemed strongly opposed to it. But then I negotiated a compromise with myself: go to class, possibly to the library, and then come home to make dinner and get to bed early. And that's what I did.

I could go for another day or two of partial at home time, but my course schedule doesn't cooperate with that one this week. But I am significantly more prepared for finishing my last week of classes (!) and shifting into research mode.

Very creepy

As I was fetching the links for my previous posts, I decided to use the link to a website on the play Equus (see "the play" in my post on Daniel Radcliffe). I didn't even wait for the page to load; I copied the address, switched back to the blog page, and continued with the entry. Meanwhile, I am enjoying a CD Suzi made (all songs that will make me think of her). "La Vie Boheme" had just started. And it sounded really creepy. Quieter than the other songs and distorted. It sounded as if Rent was now Evil Dead.

When I heard the horse whinny I realized the problem. Still, if you want a surreal experience, create the experience for yourself. Or just contemplate Rent as a horror movie. (For those who don't know, Evil Dead has already been made into a musical.)

About Daniel Radcliffe in Equus

Somehow I managed to not talk about Daniel Radcliffe's performance in Equus in my previous post. Apologies for leaving out the portion y'all are most likely to read. He was good. Some folks have gushed about how amazing he is and it is a solid performance. It's is difficult to gauge how much his performance was affected by the substitution of the understudy in the psychiatrist's role. It is entirely possible that the difference between me raving about his work and me being pleased with the performance lies in that unexpected gap. After all, that relationship is a large portion of the show, including many of the builds for Alan Strang (the character played by Daniel Radcliffe).

For those who didn't know, there has been LOTS of hype about him being naked. Interestingly, there have been few to no comments about the woman who is naked right next to him. To be fair, he has lots more stage time in his nakedness than she does. Very interesting dynamic in the theatre: lots of grown men and women clearly enjoying the idea of seeing naked Harry Potter. It's kinda silly because it isn't the sexiest moment in the show (especially when compared with the many erotic descriptions/depictions of horses).

For anyone who doesn't know the play, I highly recommend it. Peter Shaffer also wrote Amadeus which was made into a film with Tom Hulce and F. Murray Abraham.

Equus

Yes, it's true. I saw the new production of Equus in London. And it was cool. The same scenographer who did the original production in 1973 did this scenography as well. And it was AWESOME! The horse heads were stunning, but the best part were the HOOVES that they wore. There were metal grates on the floor in front of the stable stalls so when the horses stomped on them you got to hear a clang as well as the dull thud of the space under the stage. Amazing.

The show not only features Daniel Radcliffe of Harry Potter film fame, but it also features Richard Griffiths as the psychiatrist and he, evidently, plays Harry Potter's step-father in the films. Kinda weird to me, but, as Barra noted, it might make the whole experience a bit easier to have a friend right there with you, supporting you, challenging you.

Of course, Mr. Griffiths was ill on Saturday. So we saw the understudy who had to perform most of the show with the script in his hand. We had been warned of this immediately before the show because Barra's parents saw the matinee. Well, Colin Haigh did an excellent job. Even when he got midway through the first act (which he did without the script) and began to use the script, he still maintained his presence and delivered a solid performance.

And the guy who was the main horse, Nugget, was beautiful. All the horse choreography was powerful, but Will Kemp (who has danced with Matthew Bourne's company) was stellar.

The one big bummer was that we weren't told our seats were partially obscured viewing. It was further limited when a man sitting in very obstructed viewing seats STOOD UP at one point so he could see what was happening.

The B-Movie Kings

My cousin's band just made a CD! They've been playing for eight or ten years now and they are really fun. They play some original songs, some new songs, and lots of classic rock covers. I got to see them at The Crow's Nest in Santa Cruz when I was doing the graduate program there. It was a great show and very difficult to leave (but leave I had to because I was working at Beckmann's at the time and had to show up for work at 4am).

Anyway, I'm very excited to hear the CD and to see them again when I get back to California. That will be a good homecoming.

Back from London

Gabry and I had a great time in London. It didn't go precisely as we planned...it went even better than either of us could've imagined. I think the success of the trip was based on my simple plans: fly over, see Barra's performance, go to the Tate Modern, go see Equus, fly back. What really happened was that we changed out of our terrible hotel on Saturday morning, splurged on a really nice hotel and then walked around London for most of the day before taking a quick rest to be ready for the show. In our walk we started in Covent Garden, walked through Leicester Square and Soho, down to Piccadilly Circus and Westminster to the edge of St. James Park where we discovered the Institute for Contemporary Arts (which has an amazing bookshop). We then walked through Trafalgar Square, down to Big Ben (which is breathtaking from across the street), across the Thames, past the Aquarium and the BA London Eye and the Dali sculptures, across the Jubilee Bridge and back to our hotel.

Yes, we were very tired. We stopped and had our picture taken with a street performer (I'll post that one once I get the pictures from Gabry).

We had a really nice trip. It was good to both see Barra (and to meet his parents) and to spend time just the two of us, chatting about life, London, and the amazing and insightful papers we could write from the inspirations of the trip.

Pedophilia = Hit Play?

Some of you may be wondering if I have given up on going to Dublin theatre. No, I haven't. But I have not seen as many shows in the New Year (Lunar or otherwise) as I saw when I first arrived. I did go on Wednesday to see Blackbird, recipient of the 2006 Olivier Award for new play.

The script seems interesting and might approach sexual relations with a minor in a different way than I've seen before, but it was difficult to tell. The actress was having an off night and seemed to be going through the motions without the support for the shifts, as if she was simply changing her tone or pace of speaking and breathing to indicate the changes. (I was in the front row and barely felt the energy coming off of her, even in her most heated moments.) The scenography was a hyper-real lounge area at a dentistry supply manufacturing company and it was filthy. Not only were the walls and light switches absolutely disgusting to see, there was garbage strewn everywhere. As soon as I walked in my Painfully Obvious and Somewhat Insulting alarm went off: I already knew the play was about a 27-year-old woman confronting the man who was her lover fifteen years previously. (Yup, doing the math will tell you she was twelve at the time.) So they are going to exist in the midst of garbage, trash, other people's discards...uh, okay.

My main complaint is that folks seemed content to say it was controversial because it has pedophilia in the storyline. I think what was more dangerous, and not directly addressed in the woman's characterization, was where therapy didn't help the girl learn to distinguish the relationship as something other than the love she thought it was. Here she is, fifteen years later, and she can tell you all the accusatory things that were said about him (and implied about her), but she didn't get to grieve or to heal from what I saw. The apparent inability of the man to accept responsibility for violating the social contract that says twelve-year-olds are not consenting adults (and are not old enough to give informed consent) and that he was supposed to maintain the boundaries; he is more concerned with chastising the system that kept trying to treat him as a pedophile when really it was love for this one girl rather than for girls in general. There is a big difference between thoughts and actions; some would say the big distinction between a pedophile and a non-pedophile is the action taken towards (pre)adolescents.

There was an article in the Irish Times in which Fintan O'Toole argues that pedophilia isn't taboo in the theatre because there are so many plays about it, and many of them saying something more interesting than this one. It remains taboo in life, though, and so these plays that barely address the issue do more to sustain the taboo by not encountering the topic directly. O'Toole notes quite a few plays with a pedophilia element to them including two daring and disturbing pieces that I would recommend: How I Learned to Drive by Paula Vogel and On Rafferty's Hill by Marina Carr. Both of these plays deal with the moment as well as with reflection. One of the downfalls of Blackbird was the emphasis on talking about the past without the performance really exploring the layers of rewriting the story.

Maybe I know too much or have too much empathy. Maybe I expect too much to want to see nuanced characters rather than absolute victims and villains. I don't have a problem with the girl being portrayed as the sexual aggressor (which I don't agree is going on in Blackbird), but what's interesting and necessary is that element of complicity. As O'Toole pointed out, drama without conflict doesn't work well which means it's difficult to portray victims of abuse as complete victims in theatre. But alarms start going off for many people when there is any discussion of responsibility on the part of the victim who, after all, was violated. So intention seems to be the difference: a twelve-year-old may like the attention and being treated like she matters and, at that time, understand kissing and touching to be an appropriate next step. An adult hopefully understands that there is such a thing as friendship and that, while the twelve-year-old may sound like s/he understands what is being said, the child most likely doesn't understand the implications/repercussions in the same way the adult does. We are mimics after all and children try to interact with the people and the world in the ways they are shown.

Maybe it just comes down to the social contract. There is an expectation that everyone will obey the rules. The reality is that someone else may not reinforce boundaries for your child (and, interestingly, most parents get really upset when someone else "parents" their child). I guess my point it is that sexual abuse is a complex situation (from the act of violation, to the recovery, to the life afterwards, and beyond), but one that deserves contemplation.

I think I've read too many plays with incest lately because I am starting to feel that incest is another topic Fintan O'Toole should address in terms of being over- and ill-used in theatre. I'm tired of sexual abuse being used as a metaphor for a different problem or situation. Don't make victims tokens or plot asides. Don't assume all aggressors in or survivors of sexual abuse experience the same thing.

This has gotten very long and I am very tired. I apologize that I got a bit circular and unclear. Maybe with further contemplation I will clarify my point. Really, I just wanted to put it out there. We can all re-evaluate again later.

Going to London

I am leaving this morning for the airport and am going to spend the weekend in London with Gabry. We are going to see Barra (who was at Trinity last term on exchange from Goldsmith's) and then we will attend the Saturday evening performance of Equus featuring Daniel Radcliffe of Harry Potter fame. We will go to the Tate Modern on Saturday during the day. Other than that, I am looking forward to relaxing a little bit and just enjoying a brief initial visit.

It's my first time going to London so I'm taking it easy. I like the idea of exploring a little bit more each time I go and slowly build my relationship with the city. I'm sure I will be there again in the coming months and in the future for a theatre conference. I feel no need to rush through places of note just to say I have been there.

Looking pregnant

My character in the piece was pregnant so I would stuff my belly to look 5-ish months pregnant. That was a very weird experience. Looking down and seeing my body differently. Suddenly pregnant from one moment to the next. I had to make sure I didn't crush my belly as I got up from the table as if it were an actual pregnancy.

The first day I made a belly one of my castmates told me that it suited me, that I looked nice pregnant. And, yes, I was barefoot the entire time.

Megan hits the stage!

We did the performance on Monday without a great deal of fanfare or stress which was unusual. It was a one-time thing because it was for a course (the one, big project for the term), but we were so well-prepared there wasn't the terror of uncertainty that often accompanies such projects.

We did have a rehearsal to which one of the markers came in order to ensure that it wouldn't be a complete disaster and to give the feedback to the director with a few days to address those items. The marker noted that we should be proud of ourselves and that it looked professional.

Chris won't find out his score until next term and I am trying to be patient. He, in all honesty, isn't worried about the mark because he feels he got what he needed out of the project: he learned through doing. It was a wonderful experience and I have a renewed appreciation for how difficult it is to be an actor.

And I really did hit the stage when I had to give birth onstage. It was a surreal moment and, for one of my classmates, the most disturbing moment in the entire piece. =)

Return of the Migraines

Sorry for my absence, folks. I figured I should post something before anyone got too worried about my well being. Yes, juggling classes and research has been keeping me busy. But I had the added bonus of some low-level migraines this week. Nothing too terrible; definitely manageable. But there is a certain level of stress given my history of headaches. I tried not to give into the anxiety and to remember that I have a different pain history now...but it still is a crappy situation.

In the mean time, hope you are all well. I will try to be more communicative next week.