It's funny how difficult it is to move into another stage of living when the previous one was momentous for many reasons. I find myself heartsick for Dublin, for the way of living that is postgraduate studies, for concrete successes, for personal growth from within a context of personal clarity...
I don't know if these feelings have lingered for the past eighteen months or if they are simply rekindled as I approach another trip to Ireland. Perhaps the reality is a mixture of the two scenarios; perhaps I will live for a while yet with the burden of an amazing success that will not be duplicated.
It seems self-indulgent and spoiled to dwell on my past successes when I am still so young. Alas, I can only work with what I've got and who I am! I know that I am imperfect yet I know that I have abilities. I know I love research and learning and communication. I know that I am proud to be an English teacher here in California. I know that I want somethings to be different a year or two from now, but there are a lot of things that are working at the moment.
My doubts are real, tangible limitations; my dreams are more vague. Perhaps I will continue to be heartsick about my fulfilled dreams until I nurture my future dreams into existence.
Sunday, April 05, 2009
Sunday, May 18, 2008
oh yeah...I commenced.
The culmination of my studies at Trinity College Dublin occurred on 15 February 2008 when I officially commenced in a delightfully formal ceremony conducted almost entirely in Latin.
I realized recently that I have not been maintaining my blog in large part because I am no longer living in Ireland and I am not sure how to continue with this blog from sunny California. Though I still think of Ireland daily, I find it awkward to focus on the extent to which I feel changed by the experience of living in Dublin. There are parts of me that forget I live in California now, that this isn't some extended vacation. There are parts of me that forget that Dublin is hours away by plane and not somewhere I can visit on a whim. There are parts of me that feel lost, confused, and thoroughly dislocated.
I've found myself drawn into conversation with ex-pats and international travelers who have similar experiences of the placelessness that comes after discovering that "home" can exist outside the context in which we were raised--assuming "home" can be found at all.
I have commenced. I have begun a new stage of my life that is distinct from what came before it though I may not be able to understand and catalogue the alterations until I have traveled a bit further down this path.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
New Clive Barker book!
I am thrilled to share that Clive Barker, possibly my favorite author, has a new book due out at the end of October. There's a nice summary on skullring. It's called Mister B. Gone. Now I have some serious incentive to finish my applications and to make some time for this little adventure.
I'm still hoping for the final installment in the trilogy of The Art as well as the next book of the Abarat series, but this next one sounds like a wonderful addition to my Halloween celebrations.
I'm still hoping for the final installment in the trilogy of The Art as well as the next book of the Abarat series, but this next one sounds like a wonderful addition to my Halloween celebrations.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Deviations from the plan
I had intended this blog to be a means of communicating with my family and friends about my whereabouts while I was studying in Ireland. Because I am still a student while my dissertation is in review, I figure it is technically appropriate to continue to post to it, even while I am not living in Ireland. I find it appropriate emotionally as well because I feel that part of me is still living in Dublin until my degree is complete.
I'm not sure how much I will post about it, but I am in Hong Kong visiting a dear friend who is teaching theatre here. She has invited me to go with her to one of her classes next week which I think will be interesting on many levels (academically, socially, culturally, and interpersonally). I have explored little at this point as I have been off the plane for less than a day, but the bit I have seen of Hong Kong and Lamma Island is intriguing. The sun is starting to break through and I will probably take a walk later with Jean's exuberant and affectionate dogs. Meanwhile, I will try to relax and to settle myself before I do much more work.
I'm not sure how much I will post about it, but I am in Hong Kong visiting a dear friend who is teaching theatre here. She has invited me to go with her to one of her classes next week which I think will be interesting on many levels (academically, socially, culturally, and interpersonally). I have explored little at this point as I have been off the plane for less than a day, but the bit I have seen of Hong Kong and Lamma Island is intriguing. The sun is starting to break through and I will probably take a walk later with Jean's exuberant and affectionate dogs. Meanwhile, I will try to relax and to settle myself before I do much more work.
Another Dublin farewell
It was more difficult to know I was leaving Dublin after this brief return. Perhaps it was the parallels between my initial arrival that left me excited about what could follow if I stayed for another year. Part of me did want to stay! Apart from the practical things like being a US citizen trying to stay in Ireland or finding a job, the idea of staying in Dublin as a non-student would be a nice way to spend some time. Yet I know that's what it would be: spending time. I know my next steps in life and in my career will lead me away from Dublin and away from the wonderful folks I have come to know and to cherish. I already look forward to being there again for a visit.
And only time will tell if I will return again for more than a visit. I certainly hope I will.
And only time will tell if I will return again for more than a visit. I certainly hope I will.
Fragements of Beckett directed by Brook
Legendary director Peter Brook directed a few selections by Samuel Beckett recently. The original production was in French and now there is a tour of an English version. Historically controversial, Brook was expected to do something interesting and challenging in this project.
For those unfamiliar with the theatrical works of Beckett, he is explicit about the settings, the words, and the gestures of the performers. Productions of his plays that do not adhere to the text in staging (including by changing the gender of a character/performer) have been shut down by the estate. It is not uncommon for discussions of his work to be focused on seemingly minute details because Beckett managed to strip away all the unessential elements for performance. Unfortunately, this means there is little in the text or staging to protect a production that does not thoroughly understand the essential nature of the included components.
This production included four theatre pieces and one prose piece. The arrangement of pieces shifted between the two men and the woman alone with the final piece including all three performers. The pieces with the men involved extensive physical performance, particularly Act Without Words II in which there are no words spoken. The woman performed Rockaby and the prose piece. The final performance of Come and Go defied Beckett's instructions and used this mixed-gender cast in women's dress.
Overall, the most impressive thing about this production was the execution of comedy without playing for comedic effect. The performers were clearly well-trained in clowning, but they didn't let their abilities impede upon the other layers of the text. Yes, Beckett enjoyed music hall and the physical performances of Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton. But it was wonderful to see the darker elements of Rough for Theatre I exist in an occasionally odd union with the humorous moments. It was measured without feeling restrained and affectionate without being overly reverent. The entire performance finished in under one hour, as advertised, and there was a palpable pleasure in the audience members both for what was seen and in the fading wish there had been more.
Peter Brook was there for the performance. I found it difficult to not observe him in part because he was so unobtrusive. He seemed intent to maintain a low-profile. When I was at the Stag's Head later, I had a wonderful conversation with a gentleman who also saw the performance and who proudly noted he shook hands with Brook. It's amazing how such a small thing can at once be accepted as relatively insignificant while still being worth cherishing. Perhaps that was the theme for the evening.
For those unfamiliar with the theatrical works of Beckett, he is explicit about the settings, the words, and the gestures of the performers. Productions of his plays that do not adhere to the text in staging (including by changing the gender of a character/performer) have been shut down by the estate. It is not uncommon for discussions of his work to be focused on seemingly minute details because Beckett managed to strip away all the unessential elements for performance. Unfortunately, this means there is little in the text or staging to protect a production that does not thoroughly understand the essential nature of the included components.
This production included four theatre pieces and one prose piece. The arrangement of pieces shifted between the two men and the woman alone with the final piece including all three performers. The pieces with the men involved extensive physical performance, particularly Act Without Words II in which there are no words spoken. The woman performed Rockaby and the prose piece. The final performance of Come and Go defied Beckett's instructions and used this mixed-gender cast in women's dress.
Overall, the most impressive thing about this production was the execution of comedy without playing for comedic effect. The performers were clearly well-trained in clowning, but they didn't let their abilities impede upon the other layers of the text. Yes, Beckett enjoyed music hall and the physical performances of Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton. But it was wonderful to see the darker elements of Rough for Theatre I exist in an occasionally odd union with the humorous moments. It was measured without feeling restrained and affectionate without being overly reverent. The entire performance finished in under one hour, as advertised, and there was a palpable pleasure in the audience members both for what was seen and in the fading wish there had been more.
Peter Brook was there for the performance. I found it difficult to not observe him in part because he was so unobtrusive. He seemed intent to maintain a low-profile. When I was at the Stag's Head later, I had a wonderful conversation with a gentleman who also saw the performance and who proudly noted he shook hands with Brook. It's amazing how such a small thing can at once be accepted as relatively insignificant while still being worth cherishing. Perhaps that was the theme for the evening.
small metal objects
I almost didn't make it to this show because Ruth and I went on an epic walk around south Dublin. In the end, I got to the venue just before they started the performance. The venue was a temporary structure in Mayor Square outside the National College of Ireland in the Docklands. There were seats for about seventy although it was only half full. (The half of the seating that was full was the section where there was full sun for most of the performance. Clearly that dreary summer has left Dubliners sun-hungry.) At each seat was a set of headphones.
For those unfamiliar with this area it is important to know it is primarily a business neighborhood which means the performance occurs during the lunch hour of local office workers. The audience was oriented to look down a long footpath between the NCI and some shops which was full of folks going to and from their meals. Before the performance began, there was an interesting voyeur experience to this location.
Immediately prior to the performance, a man wheeled out a handtruck with a few large signs. A sign instructed the audience members to put on headphones. A sign informing us that there should be music coming from both ears. (To my surprise, I could hear the opening notes of "Shaft" coming through clearly.) A sign said the raising of a hand would signal an usher to come correct any problems. And finally we were assured that the performance would begin shortly.
The music became more of an ambient soundscape while we watched the space in front of us. Eventually we heard voices with the other sounds and the music. The conversation was about making a rice dish for an anniversary, about one of the two men (Gary) being married and having kids, about the other (Steve) wanting a girlfriend. It was clear to me by the tone of voice and the delivery of words that the voices belonged to individuals who were slightly simple. This dialogue continued to shift between lapses of silence and careful conversation with the soundscape in the background. Eventually I realize that two of the individuals in the lunch-hour chaos are speaking in sync with the audio in my ears. The performance emerged unexpectedly from the quotidian.
The plot thickens with an attempted drug deal. Again, we hear the voice of a man, Alan, on the phone with Gary, before we see him. There is even a man sitting in profile on a nearby bench who could have been the owner of the voice. Eventually, Alan emerges from the pedestrian background. The phone call has ended and we hear and see him walk up to random men in his attempt to identify Gary. There is some social manipulation when the deal is jeopardized because Steve refuses to leave the spot where he is standing in contemplation and Gary refuses to leave Steve alone (though he does stand a fair distance from Steve during this period of contemplation).
It was an interesting story about boundaries and desires and what is socially acceptable behavior. There were points during the performance that pedestrians inadvertently became part of the action. It was an interesting experience to have the office workers looking at the audience members because, for most of the performance, it was unclear who was performing.
For those unfamiliar with this area it is important to know it is primarily a business neighborhood which means the performance occurs during the lunch hour of local office workers. The audience was oriented to look down a long footpath between the NCI and some shops which was full of folks going to and from their meals. Before the performance began, there was an interesting voyeur experience to this location.
Immediately prior to the performance, a man wheeled out a handtruck with a few large signs. A sign instructed the audience members to put on headphones. A sign informing us that there should be music coming from both ears. (To my surprise, I could hear the opening notes of "Shaft" coming through clearly.) A sign said the raising of a hand would signal an usher to come correct any problems. And finally we were assured that the performance would begin shortly.
The music became more of an ambient soundscape while we watched the space in front of us. Eventually we heard voices with the other sounds and the music. The conversation was about making a rice dish for an anniversary, about one of the two men (Gary) being married and having kids, about the other (Steve) wanting a girlfriend. It was clear to me by the tone of voice and the delivery of words that the voices belonged to individuals who were slightly simple. This dialogue continued to shift between lapses of silence and careful conversation with the soundscape in the background. Eventually I realize that two of the individuals in the lunch-hour chaos are speaking in sync with the audio in my ears. The performance emerged unexpectedly from the quotidian.
The plot thickens with an attempted drug deal. Again, we hear the voice of a man, Alan, on the phone with Gary, before we see him. There is even a man sitting in profile on a nearby bench who could have been the owner of the voice. Eventually, Alan emerges from the pedestrian background. The phone call has ended and we hear and see him walk up to random men in his attempt to identify Gary. There is some social manipulation when the deal is jeopardized because Steve refuses to leave the spot where he is standing in contemplation and Gary refuses to leave Steve alone (though he does stand a fair distance from Steve during this period of contemplation).
It was an interesting story about boundaries and desires and what is socially acceptable behavior. There were points during the performance that pedestrians inadvertently became part of the action. It was an interesting experience to have the office workers looking at the audience members because, for most of the performance, it was unclear who was performing.
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